I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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