Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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