Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
