guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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