Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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