Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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