my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
