I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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