I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize