UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
40s are totally the cure
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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