You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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