I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
