Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
