I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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