When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
