I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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