nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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