I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was like eating out sand paper
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
