His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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