Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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