so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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