giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
