then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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