Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
