stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
