Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
