smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I CAN MOONWALK!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I AM VODKA MAN
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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