I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
