I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
