its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
