mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
