Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
