we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
