my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
