I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
