a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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