I've blown a few things in my day
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
