I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
