Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
