remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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