Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
