Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
