In the future we'll all be gay
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
