dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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