id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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