Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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