i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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