the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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