Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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