You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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