My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
