Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
