it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
