I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize