She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
