I am puke
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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