Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
