Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
