dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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