you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
