The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
