I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize