you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
