Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
