I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
