you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
